Straps: A New Toy for a New Season

They're coming. The only question is when. Already insanely popular in Japan, merchandise giant Sharp Sangyo Co. rolled out these tchotckes in the Venezuelan Winter League...and they're coming to a U.S. stadium near you.

You can "strap" them to your car keys, your PDA, your belt loop, or the brim of your baseball cap. For those couples who just aren't satisfied wearing identical Johan Santana jersies, they can buy Straps that match. When a Cubs fan taunts a White Sox fan, the Sox fan can just say, "Yo. Talk to my Strap." Maybe these things will help make our heated rivalries a little less personal. (No honey, I wasn't criticizing you, I was talking things through with your Strap...)

Maury Brown on The Biz of Baseball sums it up perfectly:

Questions remain... Will the Randy Johnson strap be too tall for your pocket? Will the Bobby Jenks strap elicit comments like, "Is that a strap in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" The possibilities may be endless.

Here are the Top 10 strapya charms I want to see:

1. Alex Rodriguez: in one hand, a vanity mirror, in the other, a syringe.
2. A.J. Pierzynksi: with spring-loaded "boxer" fists.
3. Dustin Pedroia: half the size of most strapya charms, it also talks smack nonstop.
4. Mark Prior: his would have been one of the most popular charms, but sometimes its arm just falls off for no reason.
5. Ichiro Suzuki: dispenses zen-monk wisdom when you press his baseball cap. Also carries a lightsaber.
6.Drunken Cub Fan: half-full Old Style beer in one hand, a baseball he brought to the game in his other (just in case he happens to catch a homerun ball, he can throw the one he brought back on the field).
7. Bill James: his charm unfolds like a Transformer robot and turns into a device that is both slide-rule and pencil sharpener.
8. The Molina Brothers: actually a three-headed hydra monster featuring the faces of Bengie, Jose and Yadier.
9. Dan Marino: this charm is immensely popular at Dolphin Stadium in Miami, Florida, as less than half of Miami's population is even aware they even have a professional baseball team, or that the stadium is used more than 8 times a year for anything but football.
10. Jim Leyland: not sold to anyone under 18 years of age, as this charm can be used as a cigarette holder and, when hassled by the media, unleashes profanity-laced tirades.

The minute somebody runs into one of these here in the States...let me know.